Ingeo Bioplastics is in the House! Or: how much I hate water bottles.

Old news. Hate me. But it's my first actual post with substance. I missed this tidbit from last September borderline October:

"As part of its Green the Capital program, the House of Representatives has replaced plastic water bottles sold in its cafeterias with compostable bottles."
http://www.greenerdesign.com/news/2008/10/01/corn-based-water-bottles

So a bunch of hippies would probably jump for joy upon hearing that. Oh boy, the government is actually attempting to green shit! (Note: The only green shit I'm familiar with is a byproduct of blue-raspberry sherbert at Baskin Robins) Everything is apparently very awesome once corn plastic products are announced. At least, it seems as though people are excited about little stuff like this. Aren't you a Facebook fan of Ingeo, the corn-based polylactic acid product?

Moving on:

"Bill Horner, president and CEO of Naturally Iowa, said that controlled tests show that the bottles can compost in less than 30 days in ideal conditions in an industrial composter."

Well, I'm sure that's all fine and dandy and environmental friendly and whatnot, but now for a little bit of the negative: The corn used for these plastics is diverted from the world food supply. But, I mean, we eat the most food already, what's a little bit more? And secondly: the corn plastics require very specialized conditions to biodegrade. So even if the House already has a place to send all their compost that will properly disentigrate this stuff, some bottles are going to "accidentally" end up in trash cans, or recycling. Ingeo can't be recycled, and will not degrade quickly in a land fill, despite Bill Horner's claim that it would (depending on where it landed, apparently). In fact, Ingeo won't even biodegrade in your personal compost. Because I know we all have one. Whatever. To me, all that pocket pool is besides the point.

But what is the point, you ask? Simple.

Instead of banning non-biodegradable bottles from their food courts, the Legislative Branch should stop buying fucking water bottles. I mean, I understand it when some idiot gets finagled into buying the cool Alpine water taste, or the natural God's piss flavor bull shit (or, in this case, the taste of Grand Springs) but a fucking politician? I mean, I thought they were supposed to be smart. Didn't they graduate from college, or something? Like, get grades and shit? 'Cause they're excellent liars. I usually expect liars to be a little smarter, but I guess not.

And apparently these cafeterias sell over 100,000 water bottles annually. Fuck the environment for a second: that's a waste of money. A waste of my money! Even if it is a few cents per tax payer, I want to let it be known that if I'm paying for drinks in the House it better be Cherry Chocolate Dr. Pepper. Water is something we're already paying for. And you'd figure some politicians would get that. If they're thirsty, they should drink from a fountain, or the tap. If there aren't any water fountains, well there are alternatives. Here's my eight step guide to getting water without wasting money on fucking bottled water:

1. When you're about to leave you're nice fancy home, go to the cupboard in your kitchen.
2. No, not that cupboard. To the left one.
3. That's right. Now open it. Look inside.
   
4. See the cups?
5. Grab one.
6. Put it in your satchel.
7. When you're thirsty, go to the bathroom to fill up your cup.
8. No, not like that. With the faucet.

See? It's a fucking piece of cake! And if you did this, you could have Tay Zonday approved drinks in no time. Plus, if you wanna be a real stickler for green shit, have it be Ingeo plastic Dr. Pepper.

That's all. Simout!

EDIT: Forgot to post this, the facts on why tap water is safer and better than bottled.